See the World through My Eyes
by CancerTheCrab
Summary: Nothing with a silver of consciousness should ever see what Scott Lang did. (Going subatomic did more than just shrink Scott.) AU in which Scott's mind was damaged after shrinking. Rated T just in case, dark themes and the likes. No romantic relationships but platonic all the way. Complete.


**A/N:** Oh gosh I was looking through the measly amount of fanfiction for this movie and I just needed to contribute. Plus I just think that going subatomic would mess anyone up. Warning, by the way, this might be a bit OOC.

 **See the World through My Eyes**

oO-Oo

During That Moment, Scott had seen the single most beautiful thing, aside from Cassie, in the world. He'd seen what every scientist studied from afar. Molecules and atoms and what held the world together had become larger than him. His reality had folded and expanded and morphed into Scott Lang and then changed into Everything Else. His human brain had been overwhelmed and his eyes ached with the inability to process what was happening. Until suddenly, life itself stopped imploding and he could hear his precious child calling out to him. Her voice had become reality long enough for his basic functions to work again. His will to live had kicked in real nice with a side of full-blown panic. So with some crude maneuvering he'd been able to attach the enlargement device. However, once he was back to his original size and realm it was obvious something was wrong. He looked devastatingly confused at Paxton and then at the little girl hugging him. The word 'peanut' popped into his head and he smiled faintly. And then he'd passed out.

oO-Oo

"Scott, don't you think you've slept enough?" A feminine voice woke him up. He opened his eyes and looked around the room. A woman, probably the one that woke him up, was sitting next to the bed he lay in. She looked half relieved and half annoyed at him for whatever reason. "Good. Your friends were getting annoying. They kept calling every 5 minutes." Scott's body ached everywhere and a headache was coming on. The phone rang from another room, interrupting whatever the woman was going to say. She sighed and stood up, throwing, "Be right back," over her shoulder.

He could vaguely hear her talking to someone and informing them that yes, the idiot is awake and that fine, you can come see him. Scott was getting tired though, so instead of letting her say anything he starting talking as soon as she walked through the door.

"Where am I?"

oO-Oo

He'd fallen asleep again after a frantic interrogation. Before Scott had slipped unconscious again, the woman, Hope, had brought a man that she'd stated was her father, Hank Pym. They'd asked him questions he couldn't answer and allowed him to rest once they'd apparently finished getting whatever information they needed. He knew he should be worried seeing as he'd woken up in a stranger's house with no recollection of literally anything about himself aside from his own name and the fact that he's a man and had gotten questioned. However, Scott was in a perpetual state of mental exhaustion so he didn't think about it too much.

Presently, he was woken up by Hope's choked voice saying, "We think that the…the experience was too much for him, Luis. I'm so sorry."

"You really aren't playing with me, are you? Scottie doesn't remember _anything_?" An accented male's voice wafted through the door. Opening his eyes, Scott stared at the ceiling above him and wondered for a split second about why the man sounded so familiar. His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, though, so he stopped and allowed the odd feeling of disappointment to sink into him. Something about the plain and unmoving room made him think that he'd seen something more amazing. All of the sudden, flashed of memories bombarded him. Mind-numbingly beautiful images of the world through a kaleidoscope filled his brain but they were gone as soon as they had come. He mentally grasped for them with a small noise of complaint and a grimace but his temples throbbed harshly at his attempts. He rolled over and rubbed his cheek into the pillow below him and listened to the conversation outside.

"…has been determined that he knows nothing more than his own name, gender, and rough estimation of his age. He got tired very easily." Another man's voice cut through. Scott got tired of lying around and sat up. His head spun and the mattress seemed to dip violently under him. He gripped the sheets and pulled a pillow behind himself. Settling in, he listened again and the dizziness passed.

"Can we still see him?" It was the other guy this time. His speech had a Hispanic twang to it.

"He may not be awake, Luis, but you can still go in." Soft shuffling was the only sound that preceded that and then the door creaked open. Four men, including Hank, and Hope walked in. The three other men perked up when they saw that Scott was awake and coherent enough to be sitting up. However, Hank and his daughter seemed to droop, knowing that his consciousness would only make this more painful. Hope said, "This is Luis, Kurt, and Dave." She gestured to each man as she introduced them.

"Hey, Scottie." Luis went to sit down next to his bed.

"Hello, Scott." Kurt had tattoos on his hand and a foreign accent as well. He stood next to the chair his friend had practically collapsed in.

"Hey, man." Dave's hands were clenched as he went to stand next to Kurt. Luis had the expression of a man about to break down. His lip twitched and his eyes had desperate glint in them along with unshed tears. It was identical to Hope and Hank's. Scott felt bad about this, he had a feeling that it wouldn't help, but he was confused and tired and his head hurt more and more.

"Who are you?"

Luis muffled something behind his hand as a tear slipped down his face.

oO-Oo

Scott Lang, regardless of overwhelming memory loss, was not helpless. He was still fairly athletic and good with his hands. However, decisions were another matter all together. He had little to no opinion and had difficulty with things like picking what color shirt he was going to wear. He constantly looked disappointed or annoyed but he didn't snap at Hope. He didn't get angry with anyone, but he never looked happy either. He always stared at the walls and the windows and the people around him as if they were lacking something important. Above all, he was missing everything that made him Scott. His sarcasm was as absent as his memories.

Right now, Hope was sitting with him. It was the morning after he'd woken up. Luis, Kurt, and Dave had gone back to their apartment immediately with a quick 'thanks'. Luis promised to come back and talk to Scott more. Scott had stared at him with a faint furrow of his brow but nodded either way.

"Scott, do you remember anything when you went subatomic?" Hope gripped his hands in her shaking ones and looked at him pleadingly. Hank had explained what had happened to him already but he hadn't given any sign as to understanding or caring.

"Kaleidoscope," he said quietly.

"Did it look like a kaleidoscope, Scott?" He nodded and looked away again. His eyes were constantly moving, searching. Looking for something he wouldn't find.

"It was nice," he interrupted the silence that had grown after her question. "I want…to see it again." The corners of his mouth pointed down and he clenched his eyes shut. His head hurt again.

"I'll get you some tea." He nodded again, weakly. Hank walked into the kitchen where they were talking and smiled at Scott.

"Hello, Scott, how are you feeling?" He patted Scott's shoulder.

"Tired." He wrung his hands as he looked around the room again and accepted the tea Hope held out to him. He took small sips with his eyes closed and tried to focus on the taste instead of the pounding in his temples. He hated talking for too long and thinking deeply about anything was out of the question.

"H- Dad, I have an idea." Her father looked at her, hopeful, but saw in her expression that it wasn't a solution. She had a small smile on her face but her eyes were almost wistful and her eyebrows furrowed together. Her self-assigned mission was to make Scott happier. This was nothing more than another attempt to make him comfortable in a world he didn't remember anymore. "Let's go to the store, Dad. Scott, you go lay down. You look tired." She knew he would sleep the whole day away unless she woke him up. He would stare at the wall for the rest of his life if she didn't tell him it was time to eat.

oO-Oo

"Why are we at a children's toy store looking for a _kaleidoscope_ , Hope?" Hank asked.

"When I asked about when he went subatomic he said that it looked like a kaleidoscope. Maybe it'll help him?" She was digging through a little bin of the colorful toys and picking out the ones she liked and thought that Scott would. They were cheap little tubes with plastic shards in them, but if they made him happy then she would buy every single one.

oO-Oo

He was smiling. _He was smiling_.

"Looks like That Moment," Scott said.

"'That Moment'?" Hank asked.

"Beautiful. Like Cassie." Their eyebrows rose at his answer.

"Cassie, Scott? Who is that?" Hope prompted. She knew who Cassie was, of course, but she wasn't sure if this was a knee-jerk reaction or not.

"Peanut."

"Who is Cassie, Scott?"

"I'm tired, Hope. Cassie is my…" He stopped. She could see tears fill his eyes. Scott was grasping for the memory and for some reason the sentiment that came with the glimpses made him so sad. He wanted to see his Peanut. "Home."

"Do you want to see Cassie?"

"Yeah."

"I'll arrange something, then." But, Scott was already busy again, checking out every kaleidoscope Hope had gotten him. The corners of his eyes were still crinkled from the pain that the prolonged thinking had brought him. His shoulders were stiff as he went to rub his eyes.

"I'm going to go to sleep." He rose from his seat, taking a couple of the little toys with him.

"Okay." Externally, Hope and Hank were smiling at Scott. They pretended it wasn't huge that Scott had made the decision to sleep on his own. Internally, though, they were celebrating, ecstatic that he'd taken a step forward, no matter how small. He gave the two a small wave of his hand and pushed the door closed. It wasn't very late; it was barely 5 in the afternoon, so Hope had left a light blanket out for him. He was fine sleeping in his clothes, but during the day he didn't like getting under the covers. Scott placed his kaleidoscopes on the nightstand by him. He curled up on his side, even though in some part of his subconscious he remembered that his shoulders always got sore when he does, and draped the blanket over himself. Scott fell asleep the moment he snuggled his head into the pillow.

oO-Oo

Paxton and Maggie came over as soon as Hope had called. She hadn't said anything specific over the phone, just that she had an idea and that it might help Scott. Maggie had been unable to make herself visit her ex-husband. From what she'd heard from Paxton, he wasn't really the witty former thief that they knew. Just a shell of him.

"So, what was your idea, Hope?" Paxton asked.

"See, after asking Scott about what he'd seem when he went subatomic," the couple looked bewildered, "Subatomic means he had begun to shrink infinitely. He told me he'd seen the world through a kaleidoscope. Well, that's the longer version. Anyway, he'd said that it was beautiful, like Cassie. When I asked him who Cassie was, to see if I could stimulate some thoughts, he said 'home'." Maggie looked pained, or guilty. "That conversation had been the most progress Scott had made. We believe that if we bring him to Cassie that will somehow give his memories a jump-start."

With a shaky voice, Maggie said, "So you really think that bringing him Cassie will help him?"

"Yes. We," she gestured to herself and her father, "believe that Scott's need to make Cassie happy, to protect her, is so fundamental to him that her presence may be able to do exactly what we need it to." Maggie wrapped her arms around Hope.

"Thank you, Hope. We'll bring Cassie as soon as possible."

oO-Oo

Hope wished with all of her heart that she was right. Luis hoped along with her, smiling encouragingly at Scott when the man grinned at his daughter. They brought Cassie over almost every other day. Scott ate sandwiches with her, played with her and used the toys she presented him with.

And nothing changed. _Nothing_ changed. Scott wasn't himself; he never regained whatever the hell he'd lost in that fight.

"Peanut," he murmured into Cassie's hair as she played with the huge ant.

The little girl didn't really understand what was going on, but when Paxton picked her up she asked, "What's wrong with my daddy?" She didn't get why the man seemed so heartbroken by her question. All she knew was that her father wasn't okay.

Hope was crushed. When she asked Scott a question, he didn't even respond. His mind wasn't healed. Hank held her as she shook; Scott was off in the shower humming aimlessly. Sadness created a pit in his stomach and he tightened his arms around his daughter. The thought of Scott would never be the same man ever again throbbed in his mind. He would simply be a ghost of the former Scott Lang. He would never be a jackass with Luis ever again; he would never steal something again.

Nothing changed.

 **A/N:** Oh my lord. So…I started this literally a month ago. And I worked on it for some days; I waited, worked on it more. Until I just. Stopped. For like 3 weeks. Ugh and I feel like the quality fluctuated over time and just ended soo bad but I'm having a really hard time coming up with an ending. Ugh. _Ugh_. Sorry. Bye bye.


End file.
